No Dog

Sacred Parasite, May 2026

No Dog: Poems Andrei Codrescu; original art Catherine Tadur. English

NO DOG

A new fashionable way of walking swept through the snazzier sections of the dying American empire in the first quarter of the 21st century, namely walking as if you had a fancy dog on a leash. Many women who looked like fashion models walked or jogged in tight outfits past the bustling cafes, causing great strain in the necks of seated older patrons who tried not to look too closely.

Walking or running along perfect bodies were French buldogs, Chow Chows, Afghan Hounds, Samoyeds,  greyhounds, high-end poodles and terriers attached with silver gem-encrusted leashes to their owners' supple wrists. The dogs, fresh from their canine beauty parlors, walked or ran with heads held high, proud of their hairdos and clipped nails.

Among these street aristocrats one could glimpse now and then a number of clones walking and running like their fashion idols, with one shoulder higher than the other, heads lifted in expectation of the wind ruffling their tresses, and a covert vibe that read "Dig my dog?"

I tried. But when I looked at where the object of their pride should have trotted or minced, there was nothing. No dog. These impostor beauties were not all female, but yearned to be. Wait for it.

This walking-or-jogging-as-if-you-had-a-dog-or-money spread like a rabid virus. Soon, the No Dog strollers outnumbered the dog owners. There was some embarrassment about walking like that and having no dog.

This is when rescue dogs appeared. The owner’s walk stayed the same, but the dogs looked as if they couldn't afford the beauty parlors. A bit dirty, hastily combed, noisy, barking at children, peeing on passing shoes.

Not long after the female models introduced this walking fashion, men with beards and crowns of abundant hair appeared. They walked more firmly, as if in addition to their dogs (mostly pit-bulls) they also had a concealed weapon in their dynamic flex joggers.

And yet, what they all had in common was having to bend over to pick up the dog poop and slip it into plastic bags. Sure, some of these bags were Evergreen Gingham, Pooie Vuitton, or Nina Woof, but that wasn't the case with the pooches of the nouveau-rescue-owners or the men, many of whom were students or, G-d help us, working people. Still, the communality of bending over to pick up dog poop, did emanate a bit of communal solidarity. Friendships and liasons ensued. The older cafe habitues headed for their chiropractors.

Both the fancy dog owners and their otherwise busy imitators hired widely tattooed dog walkers for the time they were separated from their darlings. These dog walkers, jangling dozens of keys to unaffordalbe apartments, walked a variety of pooches, tall and tiny, sleek and filthy, in fairly well-behaved packs.

I observed this stream of people from my favorite cafe for the entire Spring. I watched the flowers poke their heads from the snow and bloom unleashed in color. Sudden rains mixed with waves of tree pollen revived allergies and carpe diem. The season moved at more or less its seasonal pace, but the walk-as-if-you-have-a-dog spread faster.

Soon the baby-strollers appeared. If a couple, only the man walked the dog now as he pushed the stroller. The woman walked behind him throwing a contemptuous gaze at the singles sitting in cafes. The dogs and strollers owned the street now. (Not all the strollers had babies in them).

And then, just as it became difficult to navigate and I became desperate trying to find a larger meaning to this farrago (like, for instance, the U.S. bombing kindergartens in Iran), a second baby and twin stroller appeared, and the couples moved to a cheaper city with bigger apartments. Good luck with those outfits in Harrisburg!

There is only a tiny connection between the walking fad above and my politically virulent poems and Catherine's visual sexual assaults in the book NO DOG, but we leave it to you to find out, dear readers. And do read it backwards.

Codrescu reporting from Brooklyn, New York, May 7, 2026

No Dog published by Sacred Parasite May 2026

Release date May 1, 2026 order

ISBN: ISBN: 978-3-910822-17-7, 62 pages